The reason you keep Googling friends who are no longer in your life


I lost all my friends nine years ago. 

It was my own fault. I hooked up with a friend’s boyfriend and instantly regretted it. I betrayed a friend I really cared about and nothing I could say or do would erase what I’d done. When our entire friendship group eventually found out, one by one, friends began dropping like flies. Some sent messages to tell me they knew what I’d done, and others simply faded away. This moment is, to date, the most shameful of my life. 

Nearly a decade later, I still have an unconquerable urge to know how these former friends of mine are doing. So, I look them up on Google, Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter to try and gain a sense of how their lives are unfolding. The profound sadness I felt back then has dissipated, the tears have stopped, and new friends have come into my life (and stayed, thank goodness), but I can’t shake this desire to just know how their lives are playing out.  Read more…

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